The day I lost my first breast will always be a day I remember. It was 6 years ago today. It was shocking, sudden and unavoidable. Having been told the day before that it was going to happen, I didn’t have much time to prepare and in hindsight, I think that was actually a good thing. I didn’t need extra time to dwell on the situation that was inevitable. I just had to get organised for what was going to be one hell of a day ahead.
The day began like most other days. I woke up, got my kids ready for day care – packed their lunches, got them dressed, gave them endless cuddles and tried to pretend it was just like any other day. How I wished it was going to be the same as all the other days!!
I had to be there super early so instead of dropping the boys off first, we all got in the car together to drop mummy at the hospital for her ‘special operation’. In the drop off zone of the hospital, I lovingly kissed my boys like never before, doing my best not to let them know how scared I was on the inside. Making sure the boys didn’t see our tears, my husband and I had an incredibly quick but tender and emotional embrace before I headed off to check in.
It was almost like a hotel check in at first but that vibe soon changed as I dressed into my beautiful white hospital robe, paper socks and undies. Deep in my own thoughts for what felt like an eternity, I sat browsing at old magazines and occasionally glancing up at the happy faces on the morning programs and the other patients in the room, wondering what had brought them in here. My waiting was briefly broken when I was allowed a brief hug from my mum who had arrived after my check-in. Knowing that I would soon be off to surgery, that special time was short-lived and I was soon returned to the waiting room to be alone with my multitude of thoughts.
It’s hard to recall exactly what was going through my mind at that time. I guess the shock of it all was still processing but it wasn’t a bad thing to have some solitude before such a life changing event. I was remarkably calm at this point and didn’t really feel like talking, which is pretty unbelievable for me! My operation was a success and before I knew it, I was up in the ward, learning all about the ins and outs of my drainage pump and observing all the bits of ‘new’ Gen. It was strange; I knew it would be but I was remarkably fine and relieved to have come out the other side. I knew at that point that I was going to be okay.
It was just another 16th October, but for me, that day changed my life forever. The memories are vivid and strong. From that day forward more than ever before, I have felt enormous gratitude for everything in my life and still to this day, not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate the preciousness of life. I’m not sorry this day happened to me. And now that it’s more of a distant memory, I can see its purpose in the importance of my life and I am grateful that it gave me the opportunity to truly realise what beauty and love surrounds me.
Please check your breasts today.
I am breastless and beautiful.
PS – My favourite breastless top is this Witchery top I am wearing. It’s currently on sale and it is perfect in so many ways. It has patterns, pleats and sits off the chest. I feel great when I wear this top so check it out Witchery Long Sleeve Pleat Blouse