Another year, another mastectomy anniversary, and another opportunity to reflect on how much life can teach us when we’re not necessarily paying attention.
It’s been 13 years since my breast cancer diagnosis and first mastectomy. Sometimes that feels like a lifetime ago, and other times I can still remember certain moments as though they happened yesterday. The memories have become a little hazy over the years, but the lessons have stayed with me.
Looking back, I don’t think I fully appreciated how much that experience would shape the person I became. At the time, I was simply doing what I needed to do to get through it, with two very young boys who needed their mum and a life that didn’t stop just because I’d been diagnosed with cancer.
You do what you have to do, don’t you?
It’s only with the benefit of hindsight that I’ve developed a newfound respect for that version of myself. I was navigating treatment, making enormous decisions and trying to keep life as normal as possible for my family. I probably deserve to give myself a little more credit for how I managed it all.
And perhaps that’s one of the things life teaches us: sometimes we don’t recognise our own strength until we’re far enough away from the experience to look back and see just how much we’ve come through.
I don’t think the average person realises just how many choices women can face when navigating breast cancer.
Lumpectomy or mastectomy? Single or double mastectomy? Reconstruction or going flat? Implants or using your own tissue? Immediate or delayed reconstruction? Prostheses or going without? Chemotherapy, radiation, hormone therapy, genetic testing, fertility preservation, wigs, cold caps, tattoos, further surgery, time off work, telling people or keeping it private.
And that’s before you get to all the other decisions about recovery, family and work, while trying to maintain some semblance of normality.
It’s a lot to process when you’re already reeling from the shock of a diagnosis.
I still wonder sometimes what life might have been like if I’d chosen reconstruction. But I don’t regret the decision I made. At the time, it was what felt right for me, based on what I knew and how I felt.
Could I have made a different choice? Absolutely. Would it have been better? Who knows?
That’s the thing about decisions. We rarely get to see the alternative version of our lives, so we’ll never really know how things might have turned out if we’d taken a different path.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?
I’ve always thought of life as one big choose-your-own-adventure book. We make decisions based on where we are, what we know and what we can cope with at that particular point in our lives. We don’t get to make them knowing how everything will eventually unfold.
Sometimes we get it right. Sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we don’t know which it was for years. Sometimes we’re afraid to take the leap. And sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong answer at all.
I’ve always believed that life is less about what happens to you and more about how you respond to it. It’s a philosophy I’ve held onto for years, and one that applies to so much more than cancer.
Sometimes the best decision isn’t the one that looks best on paper or the one everyone else would make. It’s the one that feels right for you. The one that gives you some sense of peace in the middle of the chaos.
And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is trust yourself.
Over the years, I’ve watched friends and other women navigate their own breast cancer journeys, and I’ve developed an enormous respect for the decisions they make and the way they find their own paths through it all.
No two women’s journeys are the same. We have different diagnoses, different circumstances, different families and different priorities. What feels right for one woman might be completely wrong for another.
There is no single way to do breast cancer, and no one-size-fits-all approach to treatment, recovery or what life looks like afterwards.
You have to own your journey. Ask questions, gather the information you need, seek advice, listen to the people you trust and make the decisions that are right for you.
One of the unexpected gifts of having been through cancer is the ability to support other women facing it. There is something incredibly valuable about talking to someone who understands the fears, insecurities and decisions because they’ve been there themselves.
You don’t have to explain everything. You don’t have to put on a brave face. Sometimes, just knowing someone else has walked a similar path can make you feel a little less alone.
If my experience can offer that to someone else, then that’s something I’m incredibly grateful for.
I think one of the things I’ve learnt over the years is that surviving cancer doesn’t mean you’ve somehow earned immunity from life’s other challenges.
You don’t get a free pass.
Cancer changed my perspective on life. It helped me appreciate the ordinary moments, taught me not to take the good things for granted and gave me a resilience I might never have discovered otherwise.
For a long time, I think I viewed surviving it as proof that I could get through just about anything. And in many ways, that belief has carried me through other difficult times.
But life keeps happening. There are wonderful chapters, ordinary chapters and chapters you’d quite happily skip altogether if someone gave you the option.
This year has been a reminder of just how unpredictable life can be. Things can be ticking along beautifully and, completely out of the blue, something can hit you like a tonne of bricks. Before you know it, the world as you knew it has shifted, and you’re left trying to work out what comes next.
It’s funny how quickly our sense of certainty can disappear.
I’d secured a permanent job, my boys were growing into wonderful young men, and life seemed to be going along pretty much as it should. A little predictable and mundane at times, perhaps, but good. Safe. Familiar.
And then life reminds you that none of us really knows what’s around the corner.
We all have our own trials, tribulations and challenges. They look different for everyone, and some are undoubtedly harder than others, but nobody is immune.
It’s one thing to believe that life is about how you respond to what happens to you when you’re looking back on a difficult experience. It’s quite another when you’re right in the thick of it, trying to make sense of what’s happened and how you’re supposed to move forward.
Sometimes you’re not feeling particularly strong or brave or remotely inspirational. Sometimes you’re just trying to get through the day.
And I think that’s okay, too.
I don’t believe every difficult thing happens for a reason. Some things are just bloody hard, and sometimes there is no neat explanation for why they happen to us. But I do believe we can find meaning in how we move through them.
Strength isn’t about handling everything without falling apart, always being positive or finding a silver lining in every situation. Sometimes it’s simply allowing yourself to feel what you feel, accepting that you don’t have all the answers and trusting that, eventually, you’ll find your way forward.
We can be grateful for our lives and still struggle with parts of them. We can be resilient and still feel broken. We can have survived one of life’s biggest challenges and still be blindsided by another.
All of those things can be true at once.
One of the things I’m most grateful for is the perspective I’ve gained through my experiences, and I hope I’ve passed some of that on to my beautiful boys.
They’re growing into young men, with their own adventures, decisions and inevitable curveballs ahead of them. I can’t protect them from everything, as much as I’d like to.
But I hope they know it’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay to change direction, make mistakes and take your time finding your feet again when life doesn’t go to plan.
I hope they understand that we make decisions based on what we know and feel at the time, not on what we might learn years later. And that beating yourself up over the alternative paths you could have taken doesn’t change where you are now.
Most importantly, I hope they know they have the capacity to work through difficult times, make choices that feel right for them and build lives they’re happy to call their own.
Because that’s what life is really about, isn’t it? Not getting everything right, but learning as we go and finding our way through the chapters we never planned.
Leave Me Breastless: Annual Style Edit
If you’ve followed my blog over the years, you’ll know this is usually where I share the clothes I’ve found that work for my breastless body.
This year, I haven’t got a huge collection of new pieces to show you, and I think there’s a reason for that.
My confidence hasn’t always been where I’d like it to be, and shopping has sometimes felt more like a chore than something I enjoy. I’ve had wardrobe meltdowns, questioned why nothing feels right and found myself reaching for the same safe outfits over and over.
Is it my changing body? My age? My style evolving? Probably a combination of all three.
I’m heading into a new phase of womanhood, and while I might have preferred to pretend that wasn’t happening for a little longer, I’m learning to embrace it rather than fight it.
Our bodies change, our priorities change, and sometimes our confidence takes a hit. I don’t think every year has to be about feeling fabulous or having a wardrobe full of new clothes. Sometimes you need to sit in the shadows for a little while and give yourself permission not to have it all together.
And that’s okay, too.
I’m still here, still figuring it out, and still love finding clothes that make me feel good in my breastless body. So, let’s get back to the fashion!
Kivari: The Playsuit That Keeps on Giving
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about dressing without boobs, it’s that when you find something that works, you stick with it.
Kivari playsuits have become a signature for me. I love the patterns, relaxed fit and the way they sit away from the chest without clinging. I have a ridiculous number of them, but somehow they all manage to look different.
Us flatties know a winning formula when we find one!
Self Styler: The Relaxed Tee
Thanks to a friend, I’ve recently discovered a relaxed tee from Self Styler. Naturally, I’ve copied her, although I’ve gone for a different colourway!
I haven’t worn it out yet, so there’s no real-life photo to share, but I’ve tried it on and it ticks all the boxes. Comfortable, versatile, a V-neck that isn’t too deep and a fit that falls nicely away from the chest.
Nothing complicated, just an easy piece that works.
Forever New: Feeling a Million Bucks
For a recent important work event, I found a Forever New dresses that I absolutely loved.
You know those outfits that make you feel good the minute you put them on? This was it. Although, to be fair, having my wonderful friend Michelle do my curls that day probably helped!
The pattern gives it interest, the fabric doesn’t cling, and the fit across the chest is just right. I felt a million bucks, and sometimes that’s exactly what a good outfit should do.
And here’s another Forever New dress that is perfect for any special event. The broderie is gorgeous!!
Mister Zimi: Another Spanish Dress on the Wishlist
Mister Zimi has done it again with another gorgeous Spanish dress, and this one is firmly on my wishlist.
I haven’t bought it yet, but I know the style works because I’ve road-tested it before. The shape, print and fit make it feel almost made for a flat chest.
I wish more brands would make pieces like this! Clothes that don’t rely on having boobs to create shape but are still feminine, flattering and easy to wear.
A girl can dream.
And the friendship outfits that keeps on giving…
Jackets have become one of my favourite ways to take the focus away from my chest while still feeling stylish and confident. A great jacket can completely transform an outfit, add a bit of structure and make me feel fabulous without having to think too much about what’s underneath. This winter’s winner was my Once Was jacket, which I bought with the girls on our annual camping trip to Brooms. It was one of those purchases that just feels right and ends up being worn on repeat! I can’t wait to head back to Margot & Co for my 2027 find. Who knows what little gem I’ll come home with next!
And favourites in random brands I just have to mention….Zimi Daisy top, Spell boho tops (so good for chest), dresses with Jackets (Marcs are awesome) and a versatile Witchery off the shoulder top that you can mix and match anywhere you go.
A Few Things I’ve Learnt
- Buy clothes that make you feel good in the body you have now.
- When you find a style that works, don’t be afraid to buy it in another print or colour.
- Patterns, relaxed fits and clever necklines can be your best friends.
- You don’t have to follow every trend or dress according to what someone thinks a woman your age should wear.
- And if you’re having a wardrobe meltdown, sometimes it’s not the clothes. Sometimes you’re just having a moment. Step away and try again another day!
I also try not to stage every photo for the blog these days. I’d much rather share real examples of me wearing clothes out in the world. Breastless fashion is about finding pieces that work in everyday life, not just in a perfectly posed photo.
That’s what I want Leave Me Breastless to continue to be about: sharing what works, what doesn’t and what I’ve learnt along the way.
If there’s one thing I’m taking from this year’s anniversary, it’s that life is full of chapters we never planned.
Some are wonderful, some are ordinary, and some challenge us in ways we never expected. We don’t get to choose every experience that comes our way, but we do get to make choices about how we move forward.
I’m learning to give myself a little more grace, to stop expecting myself to always have it together and to accept that life has seasons. Not every season will look or feel the same.
I’m not quite the same woman I was when I first started this blog, and that’s probably a good thing. I’ve learnt a lot, lived a lot and discovered that being breastless is just one part of who I am.
I like to think of myself as a snake shedding its skin. Not starting again from scratch, but letting go of what no longer fits and making room for what’s next.
I don’t know exactly what the next chapter holds. None of us does. But I know I’ve made it through difficult chapters before, and I’ll keep finding my way through the ones still to come.
You don’t have to have all the answers, get every decision right or be strong every minute of every day. Just keep showing up for yourself, trust yourself to make the best decisions you can with what you know at the time, and give yourself the space to find your feet when life knocks you sideways.
Because life happens. To all of us.
And there’s still so much living to do.
Here’s to being breastless, being ourselves, and whatever comes next.
I am breastless and beautiful.
Have a wonderful week.
Love,
Gen
