The older I get, the more I realise that greater personal happiness can come from accepting and loving the body you live in. Like most women these days, sadly I spent many years of my youth loathing parts of my body and wishing them to look better than they were. How I would give anything to have that old non deformed body back!
I have spent many days worrying about my weight and my appearance in the quest for the perfect body. I have done fad diets and strenuous exercise programs which get instant results but are unsustainable and make you feel worse about yourself when you take a break. I have wasted so much of my life not loving myself just the way I am.
Many people blame magazines and anorexic models for making us feel this way about ourselves but even without those societal influences, I think women would still find a way to put themselves down physically. It is sad to say that there are very few women today who are actually happy with their body just the way it is. Even the women with bodies I admire for being simply stunning, still want to change something about their fabulous figures and that’s a sad reality for our young girls.
It has taken the life-altering shock of losing my breasts and having what you could call a somewhat deformed body for me to slowly realise that life is about so much more than a perfect body. Living a life of happiness is what it’s all about after all right? Who honestly wants to live a life of never living up to unrealistic expectations? I’ve decided that I definitely don’t want to live a life like that.
Don’t get me wrong, loving yourself just as you are is no mean feat but it truly is so important to your personal happiness and so worthy of your energy. For a while I was super down on myself and would catch up with a friend of mine who in my eyes had the perfect figure and every time I would see her, I would put myself down while all she could see was my beauty. She ended up telling me straight up that the negativity was putting me in the category of a ‘hard work’ friend and who wants to be that? Once again, not me!
I saw her the other day and she really noticed how I had changed. Of course I wasn’t carrying on about being awesome (cause let’s face it no one wants a friend like that either) but I just didn’t have anything bad to say about myself and I felt like I had come such a long way. My mindset had changed and man did I feel amazing!
So somewhere along the way through this tough journey – faced with my own mortality – I slowly began to process what had happened to me and how lucky I was to be alive. I thought it was about time to snap out of all my insecurities and embrace the body I have, deformed parts and all.
The remarkable thing is that I didn’t quite realise how changing my thoughts about my body could actually change my overall happiness. But it has! The tension has been released inside me and I have become a truer version of myself, who genuinely is happier. It has made me want to say nothing but positive comments of encouragement to other people who are maybe still in the rut of putting themselves down, because this positive feeling is like a drug, a natural high. I want others to be rid of the negativity so they too can feel happier than they have in a long while.
When I was in year 12 I was nominated in the top 5 for School Captain and had to present a speech. I still remember everyone laughing because instead of saying what I wanted to do for the school, I ended up talking about how I’d love the role because I just wanted everyone to be happy. Obviously I didn’t get the position but it reigns true today. 20 years later, I still do just want everyone to be happy.
Apart from active wear that I talked about last week as being one of the hardest areas for breastless women, swimwear is one of those areas that took me a long while to even contemplate. I mean, there’s no item of clothing that women criticise themselves more in than a swimsuit. For a while, when people asked me if I was swimming or coming to the beach, I would just find some other excuse as to why I couldn’t go. I didn’t dare mention to people I had nothing to wear and I definitely wasn’t ready to face to reality that I had to do something about it.
It struck me as a problem however, when I was giving excuses to my kids who don’t even care what I look like physically but who just desperately wanted to have a swim with me. That’s when I realised my lack of confidence in this area was stopping aspects of my life. So I went swimsuit shopping, alone. I couldn’t bear anyone else to have to see me, especially if I looked hideous.
Admittedly, my first swimsuit probably ended up being a bit of a flop but that’s ok, it got me out in swimmers again. I ended up going a bandeau with a frill (which covered the scars no problem perfectly) but I just felt very vulnerable in them and they put pressure on my chest area which felt uncomfortable for me but may work for others. These are shown in the swimwear tab.
My prize swimmers which I proudly show you today came a year or so later and lock my chest area in and make me feel secure while still being modern and attractive. Our camping neighbours came up to me the other day after seeing me at the beach to say how lovely my swimmers were. I felt absolutely chuffed. The first time I fully wore them was on my wine club Hamilton island trip and my girls were so encouraging and built my confidence in wearing them.
Then just the other day my hot bikini friends took this pic of me which I am so proud of. By no means do I think I have an amazing body and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I still look a bit deformed but I have accepted that these are the cards I have been dealt and this is now the chest that I have. On top of that, I have cellulite and thunder thighs but I’ll be damned if I waste another day putting myself down. I have more important things to focus on in life.
Yep, I can actually safely say that even with my deformity, I love myself even in my swimwear. I am actually even ok with being at the beach with friends around me who have smokin bodies and I can appreciate their beauty but then go that’s ok, this is me! I am human too though. There are still days that I hate my body and would read this wondering how on earth I could ooze such happiness and positivity and that’s ok too. We all have to accept the good days with the bad days.
The other day I thought I had lost my swimsuit and went into meltdown as I couldn’t swim that day. Unlike other women who can just grab another out of the wardrobe, the situation for breastless women isn’t always as easy as that. So it inspired me to get looking for another swimsuit that will work so I can have a few on the go.
While many of you will feel more comfortable trying on swimwear, a great online option is Swimwear Galore which has lots of different fantastic brands and a wide range of swimwear to meet your personal needs. When searching for swimwear, some great options are high necklines and frills. Patterns are also great for distracting the eye. Another alternative to this however, is a block colour with some sort of distracting feature like my one piece with the lace detail.
If you are on the search for a swimsuit, here are some of the great current options I have found. I haven’t tried them on but I think these styles would be worth a try.
Baku, Piha & Milea
Just make sure the swimmers you try have a removable cup and are not too low under the arms (could show scars). There are waterproof fillets you can buy to put in the breast area but they are designed to be under support for a breast already there. I have tried these but with no breasts they move about (and you end up with a breast up around your neck haha) so I don’t use these anymore but they are an option for women who would like to put something in.
So whack on your swimsuit with confidence ladies and yes, you may not look exactly the same as before or all the other ladies on the beach but how boring would that be? Rock your difference with confidence; it will make you look even better!
Have a wonderful week!
I am breastless and beautiful.