A Shoulder To Lean On

On Friday, my husband and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and what a crazy 10 years it’s been. With such a milestone, it is an apt time to reflect on the years that have passed and all that has happened during that time. Like any relationship I guess, there have been many ups and downs but my cancer experience is certainly one of those times that stands out for our relationship. It is a time when we bonded together to cope with the cards we had been dealt.

While the experience was scary and life changing for me, it was just as difficult for the person standing beside me. While I as the patient was busy following instructions in order to fight the disease (and was more often than not NOT functioning at full capacity), it was my husband and family who had to hold the fort, pick up the pieces and make sure life held together, while watching the person they love fight cancer. That’s no mean feat.

My husband is very much a private person but when you get a disease like cancer at such a young age, you are forced to open up your lives a bit. Inevitably you are showered with attention and support from those who love and care for you. This is something that was very hard to deal with at times as we were still processing everything that was happening to our life. Don’t get me wrong, the network of people around you is a necessity and something we were so grateful for, but sometimes all that attention was overwhelming. What normally is your private life seems to be an open book for people to read. It was nice when life started to get back to normal.

Personally, having very small children at the time also had a huge impact on us both. We tried (as much as you can) to keep life as normal as possible, so their little minds could process things, but this was certainly not always easy. Strangely though, I actually think my children helped me hold it together as they were an added incentive to fight even harder. They needed me. I think we did a pretty good job of making my cancer experience not be a scarring one for them and they seem to have come out the other side as pretty awesome well rounded kids. In fact, it has taught them valuable lessons and they have seen that while you can have bad things happen to you, you can always rise above them.

So…, back to my husband. I really couldn’t have gone through this whole cancer thing without him. He is reserved and humble and would hate me writing this about him, but he was exactly everything I needed when I was going through cancer. He stayed calm and quietly went about doing all the things that needed to be done, when I wasn’t capable of doing them. He certainly lived up to the ‘in sickness and in health’ vow. It would have been a tough time and while I think I thanked him at the time for what he did for us, I know it’s important to keep acknowledging my gratitude for having him right beside me. So in light of the fact that our anniversary has just passed, I thought it the right moment to acknowledge him for being a huge part of getting me to the other side feeling good about myself. He was definitely my shoulder and my rock.

Never once has he mentioned reconstruction or pressured me either way. He was in support of me removing my other breast if that was what I needed to do for me. Also he said that reconstruction was a completely personal thing for me and that he was happy for me to do whatever I wanted to do. Honestly, that’s all I could have asked for.

So don’t be afraid to let your guard down and be supported by those around you during your cancer journey. When you’re back on your feet again, then you can show all the gratitude in the world to them. Family and friends are so important in shaping how we feel about ourselves post cancer so don’t be afraid to seek honest advice and opinions from these people about all of your options. If they honestly love you, they will help support you in doing whatever it is that is right for you. After all, they only want the best for you.

I was lucky enough to be gifted some gorgeous clothes from Seed Heritage this week and I wore one of them out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. I absolutely love their clothing and when wearing it, I feel feminine and beautiful. Seed pieces are classic made from natural fibres and fabrics, have great design and high quality products. They have so many options for breastless women, especially the “off the shoulder style” which I am featuring today as a nod to all to take the shoulder that’s offered when you need support. Off the shoulder is so flattering for flat women, especially with an extra ruffle layer. I have had so many comments in all of my Seed garments and I have no doubt that you could find something there also.