I miss my boobs, I miss my boobs, I MISS my BOOBS!! Ok there, I’ve said it and it’s true. There are some days when I really miss them, every part of them. I know there are some of you who hate yours for whatever various reasons that breasts can be annoying and I get that too, but if you were told they’d be gone forever, would you really wish you didn’t have them? I really don’t think you would.
I know all the flaws that breasts can have: too big, too heavy, too small, in the way, sweaty, cause of endless back pain etc, etc. But they actually form part of your personal identity in a way I hadn’t realised until I lost them. And it’s not until those moments like jumping in the shower and being faced with your permanent scars AGAIN that I wish I could turn back time to when I was completely intact so I could feel whole again, even for just a moment.
It’s kind of like losing a loved one who you wish you could see again, even just for a moment. So just like I look back on old photos of passed loved ones with fondness, so too do I look back on pictures of myself when I had breasts. And those moments of reminiscing the past, actually help me cope with where I am today and accept my journey and move on. So I know it’s okay to have days like these because I always feel better for them, for acknowledging my grief and my loss. It is perfectly normal to miss parts of the past as long as you can accept they are in the past and learn to let go and move on – processing the loss in your own way and at your pace.
So here I am when I had breasts…
Of course I don’t miss them everyday and on super hot days I am grateful not to have them but some days, I just want my boobs back. So on those days…I give myself boobs and have a bit of a chuckle to myself as I get dressed. My son Max really loves it when I put them in and very cutely says “Oh Mummy, you’ve grown your boobies back” as he stares at them in awe at the age of six haha.
The personal problem for me with wearing the prosthesis comes with the big divot in my right chest. Because my cancer went so close to my chest wall, they had to remove as much as they possibly could and in doing so, had no option but to leave somewhat of a deeper gap in that area. As my other breast was taken off voluntarily, my chest sits evenly and doesn’t have the same issue. So while many women may put on a prosthesis quite easily and evenly, mine don’t ever quite fit 100% because there’s always this empty area on my right side that can never be filled. I guess that’s why I always tend to feel vulnerable when tops sit lower.
Recently I had a photo shoot in some dresses I bought from a fabulous local business ‘The Corner Collective’ at Cabarita, NSW. They have a range of feminine, affordable dresses including brands such as Jaase (which I love and have featured before), Pink Diamond and Indikah.
I managed to find heaps of fantastic option for breastless women. Firstly, I want to show you this dress that I fell in love with. I love the fabric and the boho flow and while I love the dress, I do think this is an example of how obvious the groove is in my chest. But because there are days that I really feel like having breasts, I think it’s important to have a dress you love in the wardrobe ready for that day you need it.
And here I am on Christmas Eve..
Here’s another dress I tried with and without boobs. Personally I love it without boobs (thought they just looked weird in it) but my photographer thought it sat better with them in…I would love to hear which way you prefer… I think it’s nice to know however that there are dresses you can wear with or without your prosthesis (especially if you start with them in and get sick of them and want to rip them out – how many of you can relate to that?).
And lastly, here are a couple of other great boho dresses that I just feel fabulous in without my prosthesis and no one would know!! The ruching, patterns and frill once again work perfectly to disguise my chest.
I guess for all women out there who have decided to remain flat, there will be days when you will miss them like crazy and want to wear the prosthesis. You haven’t failed yourself by feeling like you need them from time to time. I think it’s important for us to have the confidence to let ourselves be who we want to be, whenever we want to be it. It’s liberating to have choices in this area and it can keep the wardrobe exciting and open up more options to us if we want to change it up. It truly is such a personal journey for us all and always remember to be proud to be YOU, exactly how you are!!
Have a wonderful week and don’t forget to visit the Corner Collective at Cabarita, to find some fabulous styles to suit all women, including the breastless.
I am breastless and beautiful.