There is nothing that can bring back the cancer memories more than the regular post-cancer check- up. Of course life goes on after cancer, but it definitely still lives with you in many ways. Regular check-ups to see that you still have the ‘all clear’ become routine. But with those check-ups all the emotions can come flooding back.
In fact, you think you are completely fine but these feelings lie dormant until something brings them to the surface again. It can be something as small as the smell of the waiting room or the familiar voice of the receptionist that can bring back so many tender emotions of your initial cancer diagnosis. While you feel reasonably certain that you will be in the all clear, the butterflies/knots in the tummy still remain while you wait for that appointment, test results or whatever it is you are required to undertake to ensure you have a full bill of health.
You sit on the edge of the chair, flicking aimlessly through magazines that you pretend to read but are really just glazing over while waiting with baited breath to hear the call of your name from the waiting room. All you want to hear are the words that there is no cancer, when not so long ago the words said quite the opposite.
I have spoken with many women and it is not an uncommon experience. A friend of mine who has been clear for many years still says it doesn’t matter how long it has been, the feeling of worry and anxiety and anticipation of that check-up is enough to cause some sleepless nights for weeks leading up to the appointment. You spend many moments feeling and checking your chest or wondering whether something you feel is normal.
Not long ago I felt something on the side where my cancer was. I went over and over it in the shower and millions of thoughts and diagnoses went through my head. I convinced myself that there was more cancer and ended up crawled up in a ball in my room crying and crying at my doomed fate. I rang my mum in tears who thought I must have already been to the doctor and the results were grim, when it was only my mind messing with me.
In the weeks that followed, I ran through similar tests I had done when I was sick, only to find that what I was feeling (and what they could feel too) was most probably just muscle or fatty tissue growing back in that area. Great – now something else to worry about – I’m putting on weight! There was however, nothing sinister to worry about. I guess I can’t be blamed for my worry and concern. Who’s to say there wasn’t something still lingering?
But then came the other emotions of feeling like an idiot for imagining that there was something there that wasn’t. I was reassured that it was sensible to check out anything that felt abnormal and that is what I have said all along to you all. Never ever feel silly for checking something out that feels unusual to you. But sometimes it’s harder to practise what you preach.
So as I approach my next check up in a few weeks, I am training myself to listen to my rational, positive thinking Gen. There is nothing at this point that I can do to change the outcome of that appointment so why put added stress on myself (which is in turn worse for my body). I need to reduce the build up to that appointment and just put it down as another thing on my to-do list. I have already proven that I am strong no matter what. Whatever the outcome, I will conquer it.
I know there are many of you who know these feelings all too well, whether it be from breast cancer or some other illness or disease. We need to try to always remain optimistic in these situations. There is absolutely no positive value in approaching something from a negative perspective. After all, our thoughts are not going to change the outcome. There will be some of us who unfortunately don’t get that ‘all clear’ at our next appointment but early detection increases our survival more than avoiding it altogether, so it’s best we try to look at the positives in all situations.
So you know what I’m going to do on check-up day? I’m going to walk into that waiting room and appreciate the fresh scent. I am going to relish the opportunity to read a magazine uninterrupted by children and I’m going to enjoy the conversation and warm smile of the receptionist. I’m going to sit back for a moment and appreciate those fabulous medical staff who sometimes have the unfortunate situation of telling someone they are sick. I’m going to thank them for what they do. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.
I’ll let you know how I go….
Today I am very fortunate to show you some amazing clothing from the iconic Australian brand Cue. As they say themselves, creativity, innovation and a youthful energy are the Cue way. I couldn’t agree more. These pieces are unique, cutting edge and oh so chic. They are made to the highest quality and they are absolutely beautiful to wear.
With the cooler weather approaching, a jacket is the perfect fashion item to distract from the breastless chest. Jackets like the amazing one I wear today, can be dressed up or down and are often the first thing someone will notice about your ensemble which means your breastless chest is virtually unseen.
Cue are offering 20% off full priced items ending today. I definitely recommend investing in one of their amazing fashion pieces. Please enjoy my fun with Cue…
Cue Zip Front Parka, Stretch Cotton A-line Skirt & Milano Funnel Neck Tank
Have a wonderful week.
I am breastless and beautiful.